


Mein Sandwich

by Igirisu



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Humor, Sandwiches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-04-02 12:53:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4060756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Igirisu/pseuds/Igirisu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How does one assemble a sandwich? Better not ask Gilbert and Roderich; you might start a war. (Based on a YouTube video by opperationpecan. Human names used.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mein Sandwich

When one was only viewing its exterior, the simple neighborhood seemed quite peaceful.

It was shaded by several trees of a wide variety, whose leaves left dappled shadows on every surface. Birds chirped cheerfully from the branches. The sun shone down from a cloudless sky. A light, pleasant breeze weaved its way about, only moving briskly enough to bend the tall grass that grew in yards or peeked out between cracks in the sidewalk.

All looked to be quiet and still.

And in most cases, it was.

But if one took the time to investigate further (as one never does), they would find that everything in the neighborhood was not quite as peaceful as it appeared.

Specifically involving events in a simple kitchen of a simple white house...

***

"What do you think you're doing, you uncultured swine?!"

Gilbert narrowed his eyes at his brother, Roderich, who was dramatically waving an arm at his half constructed sandwich.

"Uh, putting the meat on top?" Gilbert said, over-enunciating each syllable as he placed yet another slice of cold cuts on the bread.

Roderich wrinkled his nose. "Why?"

"Because it's practical?" Gilbert snapped. "It weighs down the rest of the ingredients." He paused, and just for good measure, tacked "Arschloch" onto the end of the sentence.

"That's disgusting! You're going to get the bread all soggy," said Roderich, turning back to his own sandwich-in-progress. "It has to look appetizing, dummkopf."

The albino shot Roderich a glare. "Oooh," he said sarcastically. "A sandwich that looks appetizing isn't going to help me win a fucking battle."

"What battle?" the shorter man snapped back, crossing his arms.

Gilbert let loose an overly dramatic sigh before turning away from the counter and shouting, "WEST!"

Not ten seconds later, the third brother, Ludwig, trudged into the kitchen, not looking at all surprised to see his two siblings at war over something as petty as sandwich ingredients.

"What?"

Gilbert grabbed his arm and dragged him over to the counter.

"Look at this sandwich," he said, gesturing to his now fully constructed meat monstrosity. "Now look at his." Roderich's modest sandwich was acknowledged. "Which do you like better?"

"Mine's better," Roderich informed Ludwig.

"Mine has meat on top," Gilbert said, trying to tip the balance in his favour, "and lots of it."

Ludwig examined both sandwiches carefully before answering:

"Actually... I like Roderich's better."

Roderich gave a satisfied huff, folding his arms across his chest and leaning back against the counter.

Gilbert, refusing to accept defeat, sneered at Roderich. "Fine," he snapped. "Whatever." He slapped his sandwich onto a plate and made to leave. "I'm going to go eat mein awesome sandwich. In mein awesome room. By mein awesome self."

Before leaving, he approached the counter once more, swept his hand across its surface, and sent Roderich's sandwich to the floor, where it promptly fell apart, scattering ingredients across the tile.

Roderich made an offended noise. "Gilbert!"

Gilbert smirked and retreated quickly from the kitchen.

"Gilbert, get back here and clean this up!" Ludwig shouted after him.

"NEIN!" came Gilbert's response.

Annoyance twisting his features, Ludwig followed Gilbert out, leaving Roderich staring, shocked, at the remains of his sandwich on the kitchen floor.

***

"You missed a spot," said Roderich, trying not to smirk as he watched Gilbert crawl on his hands and knees as he scrubbed at the offending remnants of the sandwich on the floor.

Not at all appreciative of the comment, Gilbert paused to shove Roderich with his free hand. Roderich fell backwards with a yelp.

"Hey!" Ludwig said, getting between them.

"Ludwig!" Roderich protested. "He pushed me!"

"Just get back to work," said Ludwig, sighing.

"This is not mein fault," Gilbert muttered, scrubbing furiously at the tile.

"Is so," said Roderich with a pout. He stood and made his way toward the door.

Gilbert sprayed him a couple times in the backside with the cleaning fluid.

"Hey! Don't waste product!" Ludwig growled.

Gilbert responded by turning and spraying Ludwig right in the face.

Letting out a yell, Ludwig snatched the bottle from Gilbert's hand and chased him out of the kitchen.

**Author's Note:**

> I discovered this hilarious video on YouTube by a group of Hetalia cosplayers known as opperationpecan. This fanfiction was based on their video, "Mein Sandwich", which can be viewed via the link at the end of this note.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Original plot belongs to opperationpecan.
> 
> The video: https://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=ponXhPl2Rsc


End file.
